Um...

So it's now February 8th and anyone who actually reads this blog and has been expecting the find five days of the 12 Days of Christmas, might be wondering where they are and what's happened.

Nothing bad, the main reason was I spent most of January working on a window display for work...

I made the postbox out of cardboard and papermache, accidentally painted the post with oil paint, made my own airmail envelopes, made stamps our of a drawing on an iris my dad drew as well as one of Queenie that I drew (I'm now kicking myself that I didn't draw Queenie from Blackadder II instead of the Queen!), mum and I addressed and stamped nearly three hundred envelopes (half of which we ended up not using), I made boxes which I wrapped to make parcels... I'm listing all of this to try and justify why I took so long making it, since it looks deceptively simple. It took hours and now looking back at it, I'm making myself feel guilty because it took too long and I could have done it quicker, and I'll have to underestimate my hours because I obviously don't deserve to get paid for the full time...

I was also stuck. Day 8 is supposed to be about things I've loved over the course of 2019 and, I don't know why, but I was really struggling to identify anything much I've really loved, or has stood out to me that isn't either intrinsic to a post which comes afterwards (such as favourite albums or songs) or seems really small and insignificant. No one would really care that I found a really yummy smelling body wash or that I really like cold brew tea, but inevitably my favourite one is the only one I can't seem to find anywhere.

Truth is I've just been having a flat January where I'm switching between being okay, feeling really anxious and completely freaking out over the future. While trying not to let anyone notice.

Add in my parents getting into a car accident at the start of December, they were fine, shaken, but fine and very lucky. However, their car was badly damaged (thought not as badly as first feared, which was good) and it was in dock until the end of January, meaning we were sharing a car over one of the busiest part of the year and so things got a lot more hectic than normal. Then there's the usual holiday madness, family dramas, half the household being sick with the horrid cough that's going round and a birthday...

... I'm not trying to make excuses, especially when the truth is I don't have anything going on in my life, and in the end, I just wasn't able to make myself sit down and write. But I just figured I should post something and say I am still going to post the other days and I'm sorry if I've let anyone/everyone down.

Day 8 is nearly done. Hopefully I'll have it up today or tomorrow.

I'm sorry I've been being useless, I just wanted to post something to put as a place holder, because I really want to finish these posts and it's making me mad and upset that I can't get myself to do it. So if you could please continue to bear with me, I would really appreciate it.

Thank you and hope you've been having a good year so far.

Em xxx

..................................................................................

Listening: Give Me My Month - James Blake