... this blogger finally gave to thee...
... twelve drummers drumming...
... eleven excellent illustrators...
... ten chaotic beings...
... nine tufted treats...
... eight potential palettes...
... seven custom Cons...
... six fancy dresses...
... five gold things!..
... four FX plushies...
... three midnight magnets...
... two tricks and treats...
....a tale of lovely lore.It's finally Day 12! It only took me an additional month to get it finished!
Day 12 is always music, I basically start this post on the first of January and keep adding to a list on my notes app and a hidden Spotify playlist until the 31st of December. Mildly obsessive perhaps, but at the end of the year it gives me a playlist full of the new music I've found over the previous twelve months, the old music I've loved and become obsessed by again, and the earworms that have driven me insane because of how catchy they are. Though this year I actively banished one particular earworm from the list, a random Coldplay song that was on an car advert and would not leave me alone for weeks and I found myself waking up with in my head, and I found it so irritating that I noted it, scored it out and wrote down not to dare add it to the playlists.
I think that's possibly a first, but I couldn't put that irritation in your heads. It's funny how much I know dislike the music of a band that I used to love, and was the first proper gig I went to see.
So, without that song, this is what my listening year has been like. Please enjoy:
As always there's the Spotify playlist and the obligatory YouTube one of all the videos that go along with the songs, so if you don't have one you can use the other, and seeing I quite often find music via YouTube and music videos, it would seem churlish to not include them, especially as I like the visual aspect. However I will add a few throughout the post of songs that have stuck out or have been particularly important to me in 2021. So here we go...
Let's start in February with Andrew Bird and Fiona Apple's duet Left Handed Kisses, a song I hear, I love and then always seem to forget about. Which is why it's lucky I write things down now.
The song is a call and response about Bird's inability to write a simple love song, and Apple challenging his efforts, accusing him of simultaneously trying too hard and not hard enough:
"The point your song here misses
Is that if you really loved me
You'd risk more than a few 50 cent
Words in your backhanded love song"
This sort of song lends itself to Apple's tone of voice, which is full of emotion and grit and is one I have loved since I was a teenager and my family accused me of only listening to angry fem music. But honestly I just loved the brutal honest emotion that she put into her music and the way she sounded. To me it was this deep and soulful voice that I hadn't really heard in contemporary music before, having up until that point only really listened to either my parents music or 90's pop.
I listened to quite a lot of Fiona Apple one way or another this year - though oddly my list doesn't reflect it, but between the duet with Bird and Lil Nas X sampling her song Every Single Night on his track Kim Jong, I ended up doing something I'd meant to do for years, listening to the unreleased version of her third album Extraordinary Machine. This album was finally released in 2005, six years after her second album When The Pawn... (1999) because the album was initially held back after it leaked online, but subsequently because Apple was unhappy with the way the album, that was being produced by Jon Brion, ended up sounding. This lead to her re-recording it.
When actual album was finally released, I was so excited to listen to it, and though nothing will every be as good to me as Tidal (1996) or When The Pawn... (1999), I really enjoyed it and some of the songs stuck firmly in my brain. But the leaked album, I had always avoided listening to on principal, it wasn't the album Apple envisioned and I wasn't really interested in hearing how someone else thought it should sound. However this year I finally got curious, and I'm actually glad she rejected it, it was over produced and messy, too many bells and whistles which took away from her voice, and the paired back version which eventually was released is far more akin to her previous albums.
Since then Apple has released two more, including The Idle Wheel... (2012) and Fetch The Bolt Cutters (2020), the latter of which I've still not listening too. So that's at least one album to add to my "try to listen too in 2022" list. Perhaps I'll actually make one called that on Spotify to encourage myself. Either way, Left Handed Kisses has held a special place in my brain this year, but Fiona Apple is in there for life.
Link || Andrew Bird || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Fiona Apple || Wikipedia || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Lil Nas X || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Hear Andrew Bird, Fiona Apple's Self Aware Love Song [...] via Rolling Stone
Playing particular songs over and over is a bit of a habit. One I think most people have, you hear something that just captures your attention for a period of time and it's like an itch that needs scratched, you just automatically play it first when you put on Spotify or ask Alexa to play.
There have been a few songs over the year that I've played over and over again, usually because they make me feel happy and improve my mood. They're usually of the bouncy, fun and make you want to dance or jump around variety, and the one I listened too most (confirmed by my Spotify 2021 Wrapped) was Make You Feel by Janelle Monáe.
It's wonderfully Prince like, a comparison even Monáe confirms, primarily because the iconic musician had actually been working on the album Dirty Computer (2018) prior to his death and that heavy synth sound was his influence. The song makes me feel really upbeat, which meant it was the first song I'd play whenever I put on music for a weeks.
It's one of my 2021 happy songs.
Also, if you've never heard Prince absolutely blowing everyone away with his guitar solo in While My Guitar Gently Weeps which he played with Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, Steve Winwood and Dhani Harrison as tribute to George Harrison, who was being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 2004, you need too, so here it is:
You're welcome.
Link || Janelle Monáe || Website || Wikipedia || IMDb || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube || Image
Link || Prince || Website || Wikipedia || IMDb || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Prince Worked on Janelle Monáe's Album Before His Dead by Trent Fitzgerald via The Boombox
Elle magazine does a series on their YouTube channel called Song Association, and it's as simple as the interviewee is given a word and ten seconds to sing a song with the word included, which is harder than it sounds. In July 2020 they had Yungblud playing the game, and it was chaotic and ridiculous and I started listening to some of his music out of curiosity having heard the name for at least a year. I'm not sure how that led me to this particular version of Parents, though let's face it these days it was probably TikTok hair transformation compilation videos on YouTube, but it doesn't matter because TikTok was where this remix was born.
In March 2021, as the song made a resurgence online, Yungblud put out a call on the platform for people to duet with him and write their own verse, one of those who took up the challenge was fan, Chloe Noone, who wrote an alternative verse for the song about female equality, rape culture, consent and speaking out:
@chloe_noone #duet with @yungblud #yungblud #bhc #fyp #foryou #foryou #parents #parentsaintalwaysright #fyp #cc #pansy #alt #singing #music #singingchallenge #song ♬ original sound - yungblud
"I'm sick and tired of women bein' labelled as the villain
When in reality all we want is equality
'Cause it’s a dress not a yes, I won’t say it again
Your sexist ideology, that respect is earned by modesty, yeah
Women are powerful, beautiful, wonderful
We'll scream it at the top of our lungs
Our body, our choice
All together, use your voice"
Yungblud saw this and was so impressed that he decided to release a remixed version of the song, with this new verse and Noone's vocals included. Honestly, I like the original, but I love this version and it's entirely because of her contribution, it's poignant and pointed, well written and her voice really adds something to the song.
Other than Parents, Yungblud is on this list four more times in total, and it's funny that a year ago I knew who he was, but had never paid much if any attention to his music, and now I keep finding tracks that I really like and want to listen to over and over. But in some respects that's quite normal for me.
Also, as a bit of dumb, vaguely related trivia, my sisters and I used to play a game in the car when we couldn't settle on whose music we'd play, which was similar to Song Association. Our version was based on the TV show, Never Mind the Buzzcocks which featured an intros round. In our car bound interpretation whoever wasn't driving - obviously - would flick from track to track on whoever's iPod was plugged into the car, and whichever one of us was quickest to name the song won. This drove my little sister insane, mostly because she was rubbish at it (you know you were) and also because I was irritatingly good at it. Helped that more often than not it was my iPod.
Link || YUNGBLUD || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Chloe Noone || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Yungblud Shares New Version of 'Parents' with 19-year-old Fan from TikTok by Will Richards via NME
Today, as I'm writing this section of the post, it's another day of 50mph winds, spitting rain and waiting to see if the top of the conifer that snapped during the last round of gales will finally fall to the ground, whilst also being really sunny, so outside, there is currently a rainbow.
Rainbows have lots of symbolism associated with them, including representing LGBTQI+, but over the last two years it has obviously become even more symbolic in relation to the pandemic. Still appearing in lots of peoples windows, showing appreciating for the NHS staff who have worked ridiculously hard to help people who have been seriously ill with Covid, people showed appreciation by clapping and placing rainbows in their windows. A small gesture to show that we cared.
Another small related gesture was Kermit the Frog, and the people at Jim Henson/Disney uploading the iconic amphibian performing his classic song, The Rainbow Connection:
I love this song, it should be saccharin, but it's not, it's soft, positive and uplifting, it encourages us to keep dreaming, and during a shitty time listening to it made everything feel a little better for three or four minutes. And in 2021 the song was deemed "culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" by the Library of Congress, and was chosen to be preserved in the National Recording Registry, which houses 575 recording of historic significance for future generations.
This song will always make me happy. I'll always sing along, and one day I'll learn to play it on the ukulele. And the version by Weezer and Hayley Williams, from Paramore, made its way onto my playlist this year because one, I've been on a what bands did I listen too when I finishing high school/starting college kick and two, because much like me subscribing to people who exclusively post cute animals to remove some of the gloom from my Twitter feed, particularly during the pandemic, having any version of The Rainbow Connection play in amongst my yearly playlist is never a bad thing.
Link || The Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog || Wikipedia || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer
Link || Weezer || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Hayley Williams || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Facebook || Tumblr || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Library of Congress to add Kermit The Frog's 'The Rainbow Connection' to Archives of "Important Recordings by Jasper Bruce via NME
Finding random songs on YouTube is also never a bad thing, especially when they're really impactful and provide the perfect music to go along with ones mood at a particular moment. STFU! by Rina Sawayama ,was a complete and utter fluke of a find, but was exactly the song I needed.
It's a song about the microaggressions and fetishization of Asian people and their culture, and Sawayama has created this amazing track which combined multiple genres of music from the 90's and early 2000's including nu-metal, heavy metal, hard rock, pop and avant-pop, which creates this nostalgic feel that swings from one to another. It's full of vitriol for the way her culture and race are treated, and in the context of the music video, by an incredibly racially insensitive man she's on a date with, who is seeming clueless of these microagressions. This leads Sawayama to become the embodiment of rage, as we see her reach the final straw with the situation and explodes showing us exactly how she's feeling.
"As a Japanese girl growing up in the West I dealt with an array of aggressors
ranging from: sexual stereotypes, comparisons with Lucy Liu and Cho Chang,
to having to be the unofficial PR person and tourist board to Tokyo (a city of
Western fascination that I left when I was 4), to people shouting Asian greetings
down the street (nihao! Konnichiwa!), and finally to people doing "slit eyes".
The way I've dealt with these microaggressions in recent years has been through
comedy - my Asian friend and I have bonded over our shared experiences,
laughing at how truly ridiculous these microaggressions are. Through humor we
heal and can move on. This is the spirit of 'STFU!' It was truly a therapeutic
experience to condense all the things that people have said to me over the years
into a situation that highlight how ridiculous these comments are when said all
in one go in a context (like a first date) of flattery." (Rina Sawayama, The Fader)
I love the way this song sound! It's nostalgic but unique with that and the perfect angry, need to scream about something song. Deploy this when feeling frustrated.
Link || Rina Sawayama || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube || Image
Link || Rina Sawayama Shares New Song and Video "STFU!" by Jordan Darville via The Fader
Link || Rina Sawayama Pops Off Against Microaggressors in Her Unrestrained New Song, "STFU!" by Li-Wei Chu via From The Intercom
Fuck you songs are always good, and needless to say Good 4 U by Olivia Rodrigo is but is was also one of the biggest songs of the year. In fact at the years end in the charts, it was the second biggest selling song in the UK, and like a lot of people I first heard it being used in endless TikTok reels, having gotten stuck in loops of makeup and hair transformations last year.
I liked the song because it was so reminiscent of music I grew up with, like Paramore or Avril Lavigne. This was ironic since soon after its released controversy grew about the similarity to Misery Business by Paramore, and it would ultimately lead Rodrigo retroactively giving Hayley Williams and Josh Farro writers credits on the track, alongside royalties. Necessary or not, the two songs mash up really well:
... but if you try hard enough, you could find similarities between lots of song...
... and I love a good mash up. Whether it's taking two (or more) songs that sound similar like Good 4 U and Misery Business, or two songs that are seemingly completely disparate, like Taylor Swift and Nine Inch Nails, it can create something insane and fun.
And whether Good 4 U plagiarised or not, it's another one of those songs that made me sing loud, dance around (when no one was looking) and ultimately made me happy during 2021, and that's what music should do. Things don't always have to be difficult, sometimes you just need fun.
Link || Olivia Rodrigo || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube || Image
Link || Paramore || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Taylor Swift || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Aly & AJ || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
That said, sometimes fun and humour can be difficult.
Bo Burnham is a comedian and musician whose work I've always meant to watch, but never quite did. That is until we were deep in lockdown seven hundred and nine and he released him Netflix special, Inside (2020), which was recorded by him alone at him home in LA during the pandemic, and marked the deterioration of his mental health while stuck inside. He also reveals that the reason he had not toured in five years was due to him experiencing panic attacks while on stage, and that just prior to lockdown, he'd finally started feeling ready to venture back into touring, only to be thwarted.
The special is strange and manic. Songs and skits showing both the more light hearted moments of the experience, alongside ones of deep depression, which was incredibly intimate and painfully relatable. This included the song That Funny Feeling (that I inevitably miss titled in my image above), which seems like an incongruous list of people and activities, but is actually about derealization, a phenomena where, as the Mayo Clinic describes, "you persistently or repeatedly have the feeling that you're observing yourself from outside your body or you have a sense that things around you aren't real or both". It's simultaneously uplifting and down heartening, Burnham descending into an almost disassociated point in his life, show and the pandemic.
"Googling 'derealization,' hating what you find..."
I actually heard the song before I watched the special, and that was thanks to Ethan Nestor, also known as CrankGameplays, who created his own personal parody of the song on the ukulele. In it he told his viewers of his mixed feelings of inadequacy, while appreciating his success. One of the particularly poignant moments Nestor's version was when he says "the one thing that gave you hope, you have to say goodbye, one year of creativity erased as the timer dies," in reference to his collaborative project Unus Annus with Mark Fischbach (Markiplier). This project saw the pair spending a year creating daily content, on any theme they wanted, only to delete the entire channel and all the videos at the end of said year. It was an enormous project to embark on and as lockdown began a few months in, it gave the pair purpose and an incentive to carry on creating when moral was low. Though it was also, we now find out, very difficult to let go of for the creator.
The song really struck a chord with me, and I kept playing it, over and over because I think we all go through periods of existential dread, and the pandemic hasn't helped that. Listening to the song also drove me to watch Burnham's special, and see what everyone had been so fascinated by. What I found was a totally relatable descent into lockdown madness. All too relatable.
I also actually ended up with three versions of the song on this list, Burnham, Nestor and later in the year I found another by Phoebe Bridgers, which is a very sweet and melodic version covering the original.
Link || Bo Burnham || Website || Wikipedia || IMDb || Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Bo Burnham: Inside || IMDb || Wikipedia || Rotten Tomatoes || Netflix
Link || Ethan Nestor "CrankGameplays" || Website || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Twitch || Spotify || YouTube
Link || Phoebe Bridgers || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Bo Burnham's New Special Has a Lot of People Googling 'derealization' by Kim Renfro via Insider
Link || Bo Burnham: Inside's Money of Breathtaking Empathy by Alex Bojalad via Den of Geeks
It isn't a playlist of mine if at least three people don't appear, James Blake, Bon Iver and Rufus Wainwright, and yes, this year is no exception.
Blake sneak peaked Say What You Will in a 2020 quarantine live stream, on Instagram, as a work in progress, so when it was finally released in June, I was already in love with this acoustic version with just Blake and his piano.
The song is about that simultaneous feeling of being content with where you are in life, but still a feeling little jealous about where others are in theirs and trying to be okay with it. In the official music video released in June, the subject of Blake's comparison is musician - and brother of Billie Eilish - Finneas, who is portrayed as in the place Blake thought he may be at this point in his career.
He's that friend, colleague or peer who always seems to be ahead of you, better than you, more successful and happier, and Blake embodies that feeling of comparison, and it's not that you're not happy for them, or happy with your own life, but that it just makes you wonder what you're doing wrong to not reach the same heights.
The answer is nothing, you're just on different trajectories, though it doesn't stop that feeling of comparison or knowing that it won't change anything, or make you any happier. But that's what this song's about in the end, trying to learn to be content with what you have, where you are and ultimately who you are.
"Comparison is the thief of joy"... isn't that the old adage?
Link || James Blake || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || FINNEAS || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Laughing and Crying with James Blake on "Say What You Will" by Dylan Shurka via Medium
Some music hits your soul, makes you feel heard or seen and accepted, others are just an assault on the ears that leaves you blindsided.
That happened here. Listen to the song, watch the video and tell me... what the fuck just happened?
Howdon Aldi Death Queue is like a fever dream. It was released between Seventeen Going Under, and Spit of You, two songs about family struggles and very akin to most of Sam Fenders other music, but of the three, this one stands out because it is the least like anything that had come before it, and when I head it I was left completely bewildered, but actually, listening to it now I've grown to really love this frantic song about a supermarket.
“We recorded this two-minute punk monster of a track in one take. It was basically
a joke that went too far, but I’m so glad it did,” (Sam Fender, NME)
Written quickly after seeing a group of old people queuing at a local Aldi during the pandemic, Fender recorded the song in a single take, and after being egged on by a fan who told him to "stop doing nice records" he decided to make something decidedly punk.
And he did just that.
So much of Fender's music is reminiscent of another time, other genres and other bands, throwing in a punk rock track, that was under two minutes, as a B-side, actually seems perfectly weird and reasonable, especially as a reaction to the past two year. I mean, who hasn't stood in the supermarket getting irritated at people gradually closing the two metre distance or wearing masks under their noses, if at all?
"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah, woah
Keep your distance
I said woah, woah, woah, woah
That's less than two fucking meters"
Yeah, when I first heard it I wasn't sure I liked it, and now I freaking of love it.
Link || Sam Fender || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Sam Fender Gets Rowdy in a Supermarket [...] by Tom Skinner via NME
Link || Sam Fender Talks "Heart-Churning" new Single [...] by Will Lavin via NME
Link || Sam Fender Wreaks Havoc in Howdon Aldi Death Queue Video by Jenny Mensah via RadioX
Two years ago basically had most of Billie Eilish's album on my playlist, I was fully obsessed by her music and listened to it on repeat for basically the whole year and into the next. I can't say that the same has happened with Eilish's new album Happier Than Ever (2021), I still haven't listened to the album properly and so it's another to add to the try to listen too in 2022 playlist I'm not realising I have to make.
Despite not instantly devouring the album and becoming obsessed, I do really love the title track Happier Than Ever and in my frustrated moments this year hearing the singer screaming out, "just fuckin' leave me alone!" was pretty satisfying and cathartic.
Plus I was absolutely blown away by how amazing she looked in her photoshoot for her British Vogue cover in June 2021. She looked phenomenal in her references to old Hollywood glamour, body positivity (whilst also not wanting to be held to highly as an example) and as a giant fuck you to the people who simultaneously sexualised her younger self, and condemned her for both not trying to make herself sexually alluring, whilst also censuring her for actively exploring that part of herself and exposing her body.
And then there was that full blown, Marilyn Monroe as a Disney princess moment, as she appeared in her Oscar de la Renta blush toned gown for the 2021 Met Gala. For Eilish this was fulfilling not only an idea she'd wanted to explore for the 2020 Met Gala, but also a childhood dream that was beaten down by fears about body image...
Eilish loves a transformation, each new release seeming to spark some sort of change in her appearance, from clothing to hair, and this was certainly her most drastic image change, and I think one of the reasons I didn't click immediately with the album was because I was expecting something a little more like her first. "Happier Than Ever" is definitely an album I have to make myself listen too properly in 2022.
Link || Billie Eilish || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube || Image
Link || "It's All About What Makes You Feel Good": Billie Eilish On Her New Music, Porwer Dynamics, And Her Internet-Breaking Transformation by Laura Snapes via Vogue
Much like in 2020 a lot of musicians continued to stream performances of their music over Instagram, Facebook and YouTube during lockdown, though in 2021 it was in preparation and hope of tours, which were planned for the future, actually - Covid allowing - coming to fruition.
Rufus Wainwright was amongst them, his Bathrobe Concerts becoming Quarantunes, and then finally transitioning back into behind the scenes rehearsals, but during one of these live-streams in September Wainwright played Going To A Town, a song which he felt appropriate for how so many people were feeling about the recent events in Texas.
On September 1st 2021 The Texas Heartbeat Act came into effect, placing into law a ban on abortion after the point where a embryonic or foetal heartbeat could be detected. This meant that with no exemption for rape or incest, an abortion could not take place after on average six weeks of pregnancy.
This was problematic in itself, taking away a woman's right to choose, but also most women don't begin having symptoms of pregnancy until four to five weeks, and some don't until much later.
Abortion is a touchy subject for many, and you can probably guess my stance, because honestly this is a step backwards, and is pushing us more towards the world of Margaret Atwood's Gilead than every before. This literary comparison only worsens when you acknowledge the fact that "Private individuals are empowered to take civil action against anyone who helps a patient terminate a pregnancy after the six-week mark" (Washington Post), meaning the government was encouraging (though not directly calling saying it) whistleblowing on women having abortions after six weeks and the people who would help her.
Quickly a whistleblowing website was created by Right for Life activists to encourage people to call out women having abortions. Though this deputising of civilians meant that while the patient would not be sued, the doctors and staff at clinics, counsellors and whoever helped pay for the procedure (even drivers dropping patients off) could be sued. These vigilantes would also be entitled to $10,000 and their legal fees paid if they won, giving more incentive.
Over the months since the Law was announced, many who are pro-choice took to social media to add their opinion and rightly rail against the laws planned existence. This included waves of TikTok and Reddit users flooding the whistleblower site with fake reports, memes and pornography in attempt to crash it, but Instagrammer Emerson Brophy took his own musical route to point out the hypocrisy and double standards of the law and how to politicians and zealots, "kids only matter if they're not born yet"...
While Wainwright's song wasn't written as a statement against the Texas Heartbeat Act (in fact it was written in response to the US invading Iraq after September 11th), the song is still about his disappointment in his country and Brophy's comedic song suggests why.
It still boggles my mind that this kind of archaic, patriarchal Gilead shit actually happens today and that people are so scared of women having control of their own reproductive systems.
Link || Rufus Wainwright || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube || Image
Link || Emerson Brophy || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Rufus Wainwright: My Life in 15 Songs by Simon Vozick-Levinson via Rolling Stone
Link || Texas Heartbeat Act || Wikipedia
Link || Texas Abortion Law: US Supreme Court Votes Not To Block Ban via BBC News
Link || Texas Abortion Law: What Women Make of Six-week Abortion Ban by Angélica CasasTexas Abortion Law: What Women Make of Six-week Abortion Ban by Angélica Casas via BBC News
Link || Federal Judge Blocks Enforcement of Texas Abortion Ban; State Will Appeal by Ann E. Marimow and Emily Wax-Thibodeaux via The Washington Post
Link || TikTokers Flood Texas Abortion Whistleblower Site With Shrek Memes, Fake Reports and Porn by Kari Paul via The Guardian
Link || Why Texas's Anti-Abortion Law is Not a Whistleblower Law via The National Law Review
Moving away from laws which make no sense, here is another of my dance around and sing at the top of my lungs songs, Stupid Love by Lady Gaga.
No other explanation than it is best played ridiculously loudly and if you like Lady Gaga is guaranteed to improve your mood. Which may be needed now.
Link || Lady Gaga || Website || Wikipedia || IMDb || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || YouTube || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer
September is not a good month, at the end of 2020 my grandpa passed away and so we've spent the year grieving his absence... and I want to write more about grandpa, and last year I physically couldn't even write that he was gone, but I know if I do now, I'm going to I end up crying, so all I'll say is I miss him. A lot.
There's an analogy about grief that I particularly like, known as the ball in the box. Essentially it is this, there is a ball of grief inside a box (you), and inside the box there's a pain button, it's always there, but in the early stages of grief the ball is huge, it fills the box and stays pressed against the button, so you feel pain all the time. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller and can move freely around the box, bouncing from side to side, but periodically it hits the pain button and those feelings of grief return.
That's exactly how it's felt over the past year.
September was also around the time my anxiety levels were peaking. They've been steadily climbing probably since grandpa got sick, but in 2020, and subsequently 2021, they've reach levels that, as someone who would classify themselves as anxious, had never really experienced.
Obviously I really hate this feeling, but this is where the song Good Morning by Instagram blob, Lennnie, became of huge importance to me. I've been subscribed to Lennnie for the best part of a year (I think) and I love their content, most of which is silly, sweet and full of ridiculously positive affirmations and songs, even at fans requests releasing an EP, and Good Morning was one that I instantly fell for, and when I was having an anxiety attack, I would play on a loop to help calm me down.
It just made me feel better, and I don't know if that's stupid or not, but it helped, as did their content.
Lennnie is a sweet little blob and if you want someone to tell you you're fucking great and sing you a song in the middle of your Instagram, Twitter, TikTok or YouTube feed, then subscribe to them, because unlike a lot of positive affirmation accounts on social media, this one just radiates positivity.
Link || Lennie "itslennnie" || Website || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Discord || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || YouTube
Link || Woman Shares The "Ball In The Box" Analogy Her Doctor Taught Her To Help Deal With Grief by Ilona Baliūnaitė via Bored Panda
Link || The Ball And The Box by Lauren Herschel via Twitter
Some songs I put on this list because I get obsessed by them for a day, or play them incessantly for months on end, sometimes it's because they make me happy or fill me with nostalgia, other times it's purely just that they get lodged in my brain because of the way that they sound.
“This song is about being in a relationship that is so toxic that you know
it’s doomed and preparing yourself for that eventuality. It’s heavy in
funeral metaphors, because heartbreak to me is like a death.”
(Lizzy McAlpine, Atwood Magazine)
Doomsday by Lizzy McAlpine - who I'd never previously encountered - was one of the songs that got stuck in my head for months and it was all about the way it sounded, and this familiar, sombre and relatable feeling of something ending and you not having any choice in it, and that feeling like the end of the world.
I found this oddly comforting and really quite beautiful. The way it builds and builds with these quiet moments, where the song almost stops before McAlpine make another pointed comment about the narcissistic behaviours of the person who's broken her heart and is making it feel like a death, but how in the end it actually being freeing...
"I feel more free than I have for years, six feet in the ground."
Genuinely I just really like how this song sounds, and despite it's almost upsetting theme, the way it sounds actually became something very comforting to me. Which seems to have been a theme with a lot of the music I've listened to in the past 12 months.
Link || Lizzy McAlpine || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Artist To Watch: Lizzy McAlpine Celebrates Death with "Doomsday" by Nasim Elyasi via Atwood Magazine
Link || Review: Doomsday - Lizzy McAlpine by Nicholas Gaudet via Music Talkers
Over twelve months themes start to appear in the music I listen too, including what kind of older music I start to pull into my frequently played list. With this in mind it seems only fair to include Avril Lavigne in amongst songs I talk about, especially since it's been a long time since I've actively sought out her music to listen too and there ended up being four songs featuring her on this years list. Frankly, I could have added at least two more classic Av Lav song from my youth quite easily.
When Lavigne first appeared in the charts I was in sixth year of high school, and as it was our final year our numbers had dwindled to a few dozen who decided to stay on, because of this the school gave us the the "luxury" of a common room. It was basically a box room in the bottom of one of the buildings which we painted the school colours (blue and yellow), but it almost fitted us all in and it was ours to relax in. It was also occasionally used to hide, notably when none of us wanted to participate in formal dance lessons prior to our end of year formal and our teachers were stalking the hall for us.
Mostly the room was used first thing in the morning, between classes and during free periods for us to gather in, relax, mess around and play music. I don't remember if the old CD play came with the room or someone brought it in, but music was on pretty much all the time, so albums were brought in and among them was Avril Lavigne's first album Let Go (2002), and it was one that was generally accepted by all.
(I'm also just having a mild freak out at the idea that this album is now 20 years old!)
When I think of music from high school, and in particular from the common room, this album is high on the list (maybe only just behind Biffy Clyro), and for nostalgic reasons, I'll never not turn up the volume if Sk8ter Boi comes on the radio. So then in 2021, her music started sneaking back into my playlists, first with collaborations with YUNGBLUD and MOD SUN, and then the eerie similarity to Olivia Rodrigo, and soon enough I was listening to her a lot, including her new song Bite Me, which was honestly the return to form that I could only have hoped for.
I'm big on music marking time. I have particular parts of my life where certain bands, albums or songs will take me straight back to that place, Avril Lavigne (among others) takes me straight back to the blue and yellow common room, sitting with my friends, with a crush on a boy and finally feeling like I kind of fit in and didn't have to worry about the assholes in my year. Wish it had lasted.
I also wish I hadn't played Scabby Queen so often. That was definitely regrettable.
Bite Me also feels like an appropriate way to say fuck you to some of those memories that still haunt my brain a little.
Link || Avril Lavigne || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || MOD SUN || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Biffy Clyro || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Watch Avril Lavigne and Travis Barker Take Down An Ex in 'Bite Me' Video by Will Lavin via NME
"I get overwhelmed so easily
My anxiety creeps inside of me
Makes it hard to breathe
What's come over me?
Feels like I'm somebody else
I get overwhelmed [...]"
Anxiety's a bitch, and last year mine wasn't helped by the prospect of the vaccinations for Covid. It was absolutely amazing that vaccine were produced as quickly as they were, and I've never been scared of getting injections, so nothing was going to stop me getting vaccinated when the time came.
Jag one, a week before my birthday, was fine, completely uneventful, jag two was downright unpleasant. It was the hottest day of the summer and the person who gave me the inject physically manhandled me, pulling, prodding and squishing my arm in a way that felt really unprofessional, especially in comparison to the nurse who'd given me the original jag and the one who gave me the booster. Then, though what he gave me was perfectly reasonable information about side effects etc, he presented it them as a doomsayer, making it seem like it was an inevitability. I was already stressed because of the heat and by the time my appointment and fifteen minute wait I was up, I was in full anxiety mode, meaning by the time I left the town hall and got home, I had a panic attack. Which was fun, and basically kept me in a low level state of anxiety until December.
I think I found Overwhelmed by Royal & the Serpent, at about the same time I was going for my booster shot, a week before Christmas and in a panic because appointments were being snapped up quickly and I genuinely didn't want to go. At no point was I not going to go, but I felt sick thinking about my previous experience and the idea of possibly having the same person give me the injection.
Ironically after the booster my anxiety actually went down a lot. My little sister and I went at the same time and the nurse was incredibly professional and reassuring. I told her about why I was anxious and she was shocked at how the other person had behaved, and by the time I left the church hall it did feel like a weight had been lifted. Which was an unbelievably wonderful feeling.
Initially I heard this song before covered on the TV show Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (2020-21), and identifying with it, I sought out the original, and there was something about the way she sings, the frenetic choreography in the video and of course the lyrics that I really connected with. Mainly the subject manner.
Link || Royal & The Serpent || Website || Wikipedia || Instagram || Twitter || TikTok || Facebook || Spotify || Amazon Music || Apple Music || Deezer || Soundcloud || YouTube
Link || Zoey's Extraordinary Playlist (2020-21) || IMDb || Wikipedia || Channel 4 || NBC || Rotten Tomatoes || Instagram || Twitter || Facebook || YouTube
Obviously my year wasn't the best. It wasn't all bad, it just seemed like the bad bits, and the ball in the box overwhelmed the good parts, and I hope that that might explain, in at least a small way, why I was struggling to get these posts out. I just don't have any spoons, or at least not enough to make my brain work well enough to write quickly and cohesively.
Of 2021's posts my favourites by far were Day 6 and finding the dresses to recreate those from holiday adjacent movies. My little sister and I have since agreed that our favourite was probably the Teuta Matoshi Autumn Flowers Gown I picked for Bridget Jones, but we may be biased as we're both obsessed by the designers dresses. The other post I really, really loved was Day 8 and designing Lore Olympus inspired eyeshadow palettes. It was fun, and silly, and incorporated two things I really love (the webcomic and makeup) in a creative way. You could probably tell how excited I was for the post and how much fun I was having, purely by the fact that it went from Day 3 to Day 8, and I probably could have taken it even further without too much trouble.
That post really, truly made me happy this year.
But that's it! Once again the 12 Days of Christmas are finally, and very tardily finished...
... and I hope you had a good year and that 2022 is treating you well so far. And I guess all I need to say now is goodbye and good luck, and if I don't post until then, see you next Christmas!
Love, Em xxx
Listening: It's Over Now - Neve
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